My daughter has slowly, over the last year, moved away from the cute, girly look, to one that is, well, I’m not sure. I believe she is striving to be more fashionable.  I noticed this summer as we went through her clothes in anticipation for the fall, that her taste had changed.  Many outfits she had selected a year or so ago, no longer held the same appeal.  The problem for me was that these outfits still fit.  I strongly encouraged her to keep them in her closet, and make a point to wear them since they looked great on her.  Her response?  An eye roll, sigh, and a “maybe.”

I know this is a normal part of growing up.  I realize that she has a mind of her own that is working to express her authentic self as it develops.  She pays close attention to what other girls wear: her peers, older girls and girls in the media.  Sometimes I think she is trying to grow up too fast.  She steers as far away as possible from anything she thinks makes her look like, in her words, a “baby.”  She knows that it is important to always be appropriate for her age, but that doesn’t stop her from asking to buy things that she knows pushes the envelope. She also cares a great deal what her older brother thinks about her clothes, and often asks him what he thinks about her outfit for the day.  Even a slight look of question from him will lead her right back to her closet.  She has told me that he knows more about what is “cool” to wear.

I know this is but another stage for my daughter.  My son also went through this same stage.  He wore gym shorts and t-shirts for the last several years almost every day, much to my chagrin.  He wouldn’t have dreamed of wearing khakis and polo shirts, unless he had to “dress up” for an occasion.  Recently, however, I have seen a change in him.  He has worn, without prompting from me, polo shirts and khakis to school several days during the week.  I am happy to see the nicer attire, and see that yes, it does come full circle in time.

Maybe the turn-around will be sooner for my daughter.  Just this morning I encouraged her to take a look at one of the outfits she said she would “maybe” wear.  She decided to wear it, only with her Target brand Ugg-like boots…  she had to make sure the look was fashionable!  A nice compromise.  A start.

What we are reading:

Me: The Inner Game of Music by Barry Green

My son: Alex Rider: Crocodile Tears by Anthony Horowitz

My daughter:  Frankly Frannie by A.J. Stern

After lunch on Sunday, we both looked at each other and said it felt weird thinking that they would be gone for the entire week.  The house already felt different.  Now it was quiet.  Really quiet.  It was only us and the dog.   I believe it was then that I realized they had both never been gone at the same time for more than one night.

The next morning was also strange.  I didn’t hear the normal sounds of morning in the house, realizing that most of them usually came compliments of my children.  Even our dog wandered around as though she was lo0king for her two-legged siblings.

That evening I caught my husband talking to our dog about something in a teaching tone of voice.  He sounded like he was sharing a teachable moment with her in lieu of our children being here.  To her credit, she sat very attentive and took in his every word.  She is a good dog.  I asked him if this is a sign of things to come in the future…

My husband and I realized that this is what our house will feel like when we have an empty nest for real.  Now, we do have several years ahead of us before that becomes a reality, but this week of having an eerily quiet nest has served as somewhat of a preview for us.  My husband mentioned to a colleague, that happened to be an empty nester,  that we had an empty nest for a week.  He responded that having an empty nest sounds like it is going to be great, but then you look in your children’s rooms and they aren’t there.  You realize then that it isn’t as great as you thought it was going to be.

I have never been one to rush my children into the next stage of life.  After this week, I definitely will not rush anything, but rather enjoy where they are each step of the way.  I think I really do like a house full with energy and noises that only come with children.  I am looking forward to seeing my children return on Saturday, and having a full nest once again!

What We’re Reading…

Me:  NurtureShock by Po Bronson and Ashley Merryman.  Check out their website at www.nurtureshock.com.  Interesting reading!

My son and daughter:  Will update when they return from camp!

Superior Biscuits!

Now most mornings she comes downstairs and announces that she is making breakfast.  Then she scours the fridge and cabinets for inspiration.  On occasion she has asked for a little help, but generally she just calls us to the table when breakfast is ready.  Pretty impressive for a 9-year-old!

Added to her breakfast regimen is now a desire to prepare dinner.  Not just help with dinner, but prepare ALL of dinner, several times a week.  Just last night she prepared a delicious Roma tomato, fresh basil, and parmesan egg noodle pasta, complete with olive oil, sea salt and fresh ground pepper. She beamed as she served her meal.  We all beamed as we ate it!

I love that she has the interest, independence, and confidence to stretch her culinary skills.  It is interesting to me that she was seemingly inspired by her Dad’s “epic failure” with the biscuits.  Or could it be that she has an inherited competitive streak?  Most likely it is a combination of the two.  Whatever the reason(s), she is excited to cook, loves the challenge, and is having fun.  Isn’t that what learning is all about?

ADDED FEATURE:

At the end of each blog post, I have decided to share a list of what books my children and I are currently reading, as well as a link to the author’s website so you can learn more about him/her.  I am hoping that this feature will provide book ideas for your children, as well as grown-up books for you to check out.  I would love to hear what your family is reading as well! I always love new book suggestions, and don’t think you can spread good news about good books too often!

What We’re Reading…

Me:  The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin.  Great book!  Check out her website at www.thehappinessproject.com.

My son (12):  The Big Field by Mike Lupica.  This is at least the third time he has read this book.  Check out Lupica’s website at www.mikelupicabooks.com .

My daughter (9):  Ramona and Her Mother by Beverly Cleary.  Check out Cleary’s website at www.beverlycleary.com .

Many friends encouraged me to hold out as long as possible.  I just couldn’t imagine who he needed to stay in contact with so much, especially since he saw so many of his friends at school each day.  He got an email address a year or so ago, and that seemed to satisfy his need to stay in touch with friends outside of the school day.  However, it seems that as things go with youth these days, email is apparently a dinosaur, and texting is now the way to stay in touch.

My sister-in-law actually changed my perspective on the situation a few months back.  She told me that it was actually a good sign that he wanted a phone to stay in touch with his friends.  She said that it was normal for his age, and that I should worry if he didn’t want to pull away from us and connect more with his friends.  The more I thought about her comment, the more it made sense.

Finally, we decided he was ready to have one.  He understood that it came with a few stipulations, most important, a $10 a month bill (he also paid for half of the phone itself).  He has to be reasonable with how many texts he sends each day, and the phone can’t be a permanent appendage (after a reasonable time for him to enjoy the “newness”), but he also needs to figure out how to manage his first monthly bill.  He is confident that he can manage this responsibility.  He is volunteering to help with plants and mail for vacationing neighbors, and is doing additional jobs around the house.  He appears receptive to requests to do laundry and dishes, whereas weeks ago there would be a lot of grumbling before accepting the duty.  All in all, his level of maturity seems to have bumped up a level.  I have also noticed him being more respectful and attentive to his family.

Is this change due to the fear of losing his new phone if expectations aren’t met, or is it due to the his sense that we felt he was responsible and ready for this move up the social ladder?  I know that most of the time children rise to expectations, and they respond to being treated more maturely.  It is undoubtedly a change for us all, but one that, so far, has the makings of all things positive!

I have a story that is just too good not to share.  My husband is known as quite a perfectionist, and rarely does anything wrong, at least from his perspective.  After you read the story, you will understand why this is such a treasure.  It also didn’t help my husband’s position that he bragged about how his biscuits were going to be so good, light and fluffy.  I loved the fact that our children noticed each of the mistakes as they were made, and kept whispering to me what they saw.  They have been learning how to cook since they were very young, and wanted so badly to tell him what was going wrong.  But alas, we watched, chuckled, and waited for the proof on the plate.  And what a plate it was…  Got to love his effort and enthusiasm!

And now… my husband’s guest post:

Last weekend my mom visited and told my wife and kids about the delicious biscuits I used to make when I was in the 7th grade. Amused by this revelation, they asked my mom to send us the recipe (40 years old, in my own cursive handwriting) so I could re-create my legendary biscuits.

With great excitement (and cameras documenting the historic moment), I took charge of the kitchen. Amid unexplained snickers from my wife and kids, I confidently gathered the ingredients and began preparing my delicacies. In hindsight, I should have read the recipe a little more carefully. That was my first mistake . . . and it only got worse from there. Apparently I added unnecessary ingredients to self-rising flour, I didn’t really know what kneading was, and I got a little aggressive with the salt.

Unaware of the impending disaster, I proudly removed the biscuits from the oven, only to observe that they seemed a little flat and disc-like. As my 9yo daughter cautiously took her first bite, she lovingly stated, “The inside tastes like flour, the outside tastes like ocean, and overall it’s as hard as a rock.” My 12yo son succinctly summarized the tragic project in two words: “Epic fail.”

Dad's Inferior Biscuits

As they walked, I noticed that the little girl constantly reached down and tried to touch the sand.  Each time she came close, but her father, unaware of her efforts, gently pulled her little body upright and continued their walk.  Determined, the little girl continued to reach, each time being pulled away.  Two things struck me with this scenario. First, the little girl kept that sweet smile on her face the entire time, and second, she never gave up trying.  She was curious and wanted to touch the sand.  Her dad, however, was oblivious to her intentions, and continued along with the walk.  He never looked down at her to see what she was pulling towards.

When the two returned to their beach chairs, the dad dropped his daughter’s hand and joined the rest of his family in conversation.  I watched as the little girl instantly dropped her body so her hands could finally delve deep into the sand that she had so diligently tried to touch.  Within seconds she was squealing with delight, and playing with the sand as though it was the most exciting experience she had ever had.  Still, the father or any other adult around her never noticed.

This  reminded me of how the world viewed through our children’s eyes is much different from our own adult perspective.  Children recognize the beauty and excitement of the simplest things.  They aren’t deterred by a simple “no” when they are drawn by their curiosity to explore or experience something new.  They are naturally filled with joy and appreciation for the world around them.  How quickly we, as adults, fail to realize this and pull them back into our “real world” and on to the next task.

My takeaway from this was to step back and allow my children to touch the sand, literally and figuratively.  If we all did this, maybe we could also have a permanent smile on our faces and live a more joyful life.  Let’s all try to view the world, if just for a few moments a day, through the eyes of a child.

After my husband’s presentation, we discussed Martin Luther King, Jr. and his thoughts on how King impacted our nation.  Although I had always admired the man and what he stood for, I had an even better appreciation for him after adding my husband’s insights as well.  Each year since then, we laugh about my husband’s annual oratory, but all of us listen and inevitably a good discussion ensues.

Today as I anticipate my husband’s presentation, I think about Dr. King and the true impact he made on our society.  His life was short by today’s measures of time, but the difference he made was equivalent to those twice his age.  I also think about how I can truly make a difference in this world, and how I can instill in my children the desire to do so as well.

As a parent, I feel if I can raise happy, healthy, moral children that have strong values, treat others well, and strive to do good things in this world, then I will be a success.

On Twitter this morning, I read a tweet from Education.com that had a link to ideas of things to do with children to help celebrate the life of Martin Luther King, Jr..  I invite you to take a look at them  http://bit.ly/gvlgIt .  Who knows, maybe you are raising a son or daughter that will one day make as much of an impact on our world as Dr. King.

I saw a Facebook post from one of my childhood friends regarding her 5 year old son’s New Year’s resolution to go to bed earlier.  She commented on the fact that her son was so excited that no one else in his class had this same resolution.  Too cute.   Later she posted that it was January 6, and he, like most adults,  had already forgotten about his resolution.

I did make a “kinda” resolution on January 1, but didn’t call it that.  I tweeted to encourage people to make a resolution to spend more time with their children, and be truly present with them.  My intention was to also do this myself.  I hope that I do this more than not, but I realize that the busyness of life sometimes prevents me from doing it as often as I would like.

Since my “resolution” tweet, I have spent a lot of good time with my children, and I feel like I have been more present, meaning I wasn’t doing two other things when I was with them (I live the multi-tasking stereotype of moms at times).  We have played lots of games, watched many family movies, and read together.

We had a “big” snow of 3 inches the other day, and my children went sledding down the little hill in our front yard.  They appeared to be having a good time, but then I asked if I could join in with the extra sled (aka plastic saucer).  They both gave me a resounding, “YES!”  I noted that as I made my runs down the hill, both children seemed to be more animated and enjoying the outdoor fun much more than they were before I joined in.  They engaged me in races and other creative ways of going down the short hill, often ending in one, then both children “falling” on me in a group tumble/hug.  My daughter said that she was having the most fun ever, now that I was out there with them.

Sometimes I think my children don’t want me around as much the older they get.  I think this snow experience redirected my thinking.  While they do need space to spread their ever-growing wings, they still like playing and having me engaged in activity with them.  This confirms to me that my “resolution” for 2011 is a good one.  Here’s to a great 2011, full of fun with my children!

He loved his time at the land, and was especially proud of his fire making ability.  He spent most of the way home telling me about making fire and all the stories surrounding each fire.  I had decided earlier that day to purchase a portable fire pit, and shared this with him on the way home.  To say he was excited was an understatement.

He immediately asked if he could make the fire, and could we please have s’mores, too.  His sister chimed in and thought it was a great idea, and asked if she could help make the fire.  We purchased the fire pit, pulled into the garage, and both children dashed out of the car and ran to the backyard.  When I asked them what they were doing, they said, “Well, we have to gather firewood, you know, if we are going to have a fire.”  A few minutes later, I observed them in the back patio area breaking up sticks and talking about how to build a fire.

Later, after the fire pit was ably assembled by my husband, assisted by  me, our children went to work on the fire.  My son took over the construction of the fire, arranging the sticks in a particular pattern.  He explained that he had learned this technique from an older tribe member.  He also shared why it was effective, and what he needed to do to really get a good fire going and keep it going.

A half hour later, the four of us were gathered around the new fire pit, roasting marshmallows for s’mores, and having a great family moment.  My son was beaming over the success of his fire, and of course, loving the s’mores.

Portable fire pit $29, ingredients for s’mores $9, evening outside with kids: priceless. Enjoy the Fall and your children.

While driving to the audition, I told her to do her best and have fun.  I also reminded her that if it didn’t work out this year, that it would be great experience just to audition.  She said, “Don’t worry Mom, I will be fine.  It will work out.  I just know it.”

At the end of the audition time, I was met at the door by a steady stream of  young girls, all with smiles on their faces.  A good sign!  My daughter’s  first words to me were, “I auditioned for Clara!”  Clara?  Clara is a main role in the production.  I had never heard of an eight year old being cast as Clara.

At home, she asked if she could re-enact her audition for us.  We assembled into our family room and watched our daughter perform each part of her audition.  At last, she asked, “Do you want me to show you how I tried out for Clara?”  We said, “Sure!”

Although we thought she did a marvelous job,  I couldn’t imagine they would cast her as Clara, and wondered why they let all the younger girls try out for this role.  I asked my daughter if she thought that Clara should be played by someone older that danced en pointe, to which she replied, “They said that a child would be Clara this year, and you never know who might be the best for the part.  They said we could audition if we wanted to, so most of us did.  I might be Clara, Mom, you  never know!”

Was she right?  I knew that there was a less than slim chance that she would get the part of Clara, but would it be wrong of me to “prepare” her by telling her that an older girl would most likely get the part?  Should I allow her to dream of the possibilities, and not give her a dose of the real world?  This posed a real dilemma for me as a parent.  In the end, my husband and I decided to not “squash” her hope, and allowed her to keep dreaming of being cast in any role.

Right before finding out the cast list, my daughter said she didn’t care what part she got, she would be excited to have any part.  She also said that since she was starting so young, maybe one day she might be good enough to be chosen to play Clara.

I realized then that I didn’t need to “prepare” her after all.  She already knew all that she needed to know, and dreaming the seemingly impossible dream was really okay.

By the way, she was cast as one of the little soldiers.  She has been walking around as an excited little soldier ever since!