“Permission” Granted

We have all had moments when someone says something that “sticks” with us and makes a long-term impact. One such moment happened to me years ago when I hosted a committee meeting for an organization I had been involved in for years. The women in attendance flashed smiles at my then two-month-old infant daughter as she sweetly cooed in the bassinet. I noted that by the end of the meeting, each woman had made a comment that directly or indirectly referenced how she missed the days when her children were little. Several also mentioned how the years they spent raising children had gone by so fast.

From my vantage point at the time, I could not imagine their assertions were true. Life with two young children was exponentially fuller. I was in the midst of living on little sleep, struggling to carve out time with my three-year-old son and husband while taking care of an infant, wondering if I had ingredients to make some sort of dinner, keeping up with laundry, and so much more. In addition, my daughter had medical challenges that added layers of concern and focus. Every part of my being absolutely LOVED being a mom to my young children. It brought me deep joy to my core, but those days required all of my attention. And energy. It was honestly a struggle to keep up with everything.

After the meeting ended and the other committee members left, the president of the organization asked me if I had given thought to how I wanted to be involved the next year. I felt guilt knowing how I needed to respond.

I first shared how much I had enjoyed being involved and having the opportunity to be in leadership. I then followed with how I was sorry to tell her that I needed to step back and devote more time to my family.

Her response surprised me. 

She told me to not feel sorry as life is made up of many seasons and I had simply moved into a different season. After sharing her story of the changes she made in her life when her children were young, she encouraged me to fully embrace my new season and be grateful for the one I was leaving behind. This wise woman told me to trust that every season brings new things and experiences, and one day a season may bring me back to this or another organization, but my focus should always stay on my current season. She also shared that years ago someone she respected had “given her permission” to bow out of an organization and embrace her season of being a mom, and she wanted to do the same for me. 

She was not literally “giving me permission” but merely letting me know that it was okay to do what was right for me in the season I was in — focus time and energy on my young family. I appreciated her compassion, care and willingness to be authentic with me. I needed to hear her words more than I realized at the time.

In the years since, I have kept the concept of moving through different seasons and the awareness of how things change in each season top of mind. This “permission” has helped me stay more present, fully participate in and enjoy each season of my life.

I have experienced several life seasons since the conversation with my wise friend years ago. For me, some seasons have been easier to transition from and to than others. I have recently entered a new season of being an empty nester. My memory of the women reflecting on how fast the young years went by and how much they missed the time when their children were little hit me hard. What seemed unfathomable then is now my reality. I find myself thinking that my friend’s “permission” is just as relevant and important today as it was then. 

As I give myself “permission” to figure out what is right for me in my new season, I would like to follow my friend’s lead and give each of you the same “permission” to embrace your current and all subsequent seasons in whatever way feels best to you. May this “permission” allow you to stay more present, fully participate in and enjoy each season of your life. 

Welcoming a New Season

When my children were young, I remember people telling me that time would speed up the older they got. I did not believe that would be the case. I was wrong. Very wrong.

Time picked up its pace when my son hit middle school. He became more independent and stayed busy with sports, friends and other activities. By high school, my son started working part-time, dating and enjoying a broader social circle and activities that accompanied that. My daughter, three years his junior, followed suit and also became more involved in her activities and expanded her social circle, meaning she was also home less often.

When my siblings and I were teenagers, I remember my mom making comments about how she most often saw us as we were “coming and going, mostly going.” History had repeated itself in my household.

Several months ago, I read an article about how popular mom bloggers seemed to slow their posting frequency or even go dark as their children grew older. Although I have not historically been a super consistent blogger, there was a clear connection between my children getting older and how often I posted.

I have missed blogging and actually have 64 drafts (I know, crazy) of posts in various stages that never saw the light of day. I was hesitant about posting anything that referenced my children since that would not go over well. I kept creating drafts and told myself I would circle back around to them one day in the future when they were older and did not care as much.

Well, that “one day in the future” has arrived. It is today. My son graduated from college last spring and flew out of the nest and my daughter is closer to flying out than my heart will acknowledge. I have entered a new season of life and am taking time to figure out what this season will look like for me.

I am a writer to my core and while I thoroughly enjoy writing for clients, I am excited to add my creative writing back into the mix. I look forward to writing about topics that interest me, inspire me, make me think or I just feel the need to write about.

After a rather long hiatus, I am happy, once again, to be sharing posts on A Mindful Mom… and more.

Feel free to comment, forward to friends or invite others you know who may also like to follow A Mindful Mom… and more.

Here’s to a new season.

Really, Where Did the Time Go?

The new school year is in full swing.  My daughter is now a middle schooler and my son is a high schooler.  Both of them have entered their new realms with enthusiasm.  They were ready for new challenges and eager to move on to the next level of their education and social development.  Looking at them, I can’t believe they are already at this stage.  In my mind, I can instantly be transported back to their infancy, toddler years, or early elementary days.  Those days truly don’t seem that long ago.  Where did the time go?  Really, where did it go?

I have never been a parent that wished for either of my children to hurry along a particular stage of childhood, no matter how difficult it may have seemed at the time.  I have known many parents throughout the years to say how they couldn’t wait until their child got through the “terrible twos” or couldn’t wait until their child finally started school so they could have a life again.  I am sure that deep down these parents weren’t wishing this time away, but merely wanting to get through a challenging period and on to one that wasn’t as taxing from a parenting standpoint.

I remember when my son was a baby, many friends and acquaintances would tell me to treasure each day because the years go by so fast.  “In a blink of an eye, he will be going to college,” they would say.  Of course, at the time I could hardly imagine that happening.  I also felt a little annoyed each time I heard that, thinking these parents were exaggerating and had it wrong .  I was immersed in the world of diapers, no sleep, and adjusting to my new role as mom.  Now, as I begin the new phase of parenting a middle and high schooler,  I realize these parents are right.  I can see the time of being an empty nester right around the corner.

I know many friends and family members that have now joined the empty nester community.  Some have handled the transition well, and others have had a difficult time.  If parenting during the teenage years were particularly challenging, this time can be a welcomed change.  I have heard some people say that God made teenagers with all their challenging ways and ideas to help prepare parents for the time when they leave the nest.  Even though I am only in the early stages of the teenage years, I can see how that is true.

I admit, I cried like a baby when my son “graduated” from middle school.  He had been at his school for twelve years (he started as a toddler at a Montessori school), and it was hard to imagine him not being there any longer.  I can only imagine how hard it will be for me when he graduates from high school.  My children (and husband) already tease me about how much of a mess I will be when that day arrives.  So, bets are on that I will be in the camp of having a harder time when my “baby” leaves the nest.

Author Gretchen Rubin has a wonderful 2 minute video on her website (www.happiness-project.com) that captures the essence of my sentiments.  I really love her books  and all that she shares with the world.  Check out the video, but make sure you have a tissue or two in hand–  http://theyearsareshort.com.  After watching, I am sure you will definitely understand what I am feeling (if you didn’t already) and possibly shift your perspective and attitude towards parenting.  Hold on and cherish each moment.  It is such a short time.

I have two special announcements…

-Freckles, the main character in my books, now has a Facebook page!  I invite you to check it out– http://www.facebook.com/funwithfreckles.

Also, FRECKLES and The Great Beach Rescue will soon be available as an eBook!  I am so excited!  I will keep everyone posted!

What we are reading:

Me:  Five Lessons- The Modern Fundamentals of Golf by Ben Hogan (hoping it will help!)

My son:  The Rush for Gold by John Feinstein

My daughter:  Emily Windsnap and the Monster from the Deep by Liz Kessler

Welcome to Mindful Mom!

Being a mindful mom is what I strive to be on a daily basis.  I have two children, a nine-year old son and an almost six-year old daughter.   I am also a children’s book author which keeps my mind geared toward looking at things through the eyes of a child.   For quite some time I have been encouraged to start a blog by friends, fellow authors, and other mindful moms.  On my blog I will discuss parenting, books for children, and writing for children, and I invite your comments and insights as well!  Together we can all be more mindful moms (and dads, too)! 

Hello and welcome to Mindful Mom!

Hello and welcome to my blog– Mindful Mom!